Paula Rae

Fall of 1999, I was cleaning my apartment and in the cabinet was an open box. Inside that box as one remaining pregnancy test. I decided to take it and throw it away... apparently I needed the tiny amount of space the box took up. I peed on the stick, went back to cleaning, and to my surprise: I was pregnant. I was becoming a mom at 19. August 20, 2000, six days before my 20th birthday, my daughter entered the world! My first child, my first true love❤ She was the most amazing thing ever created (don't argue with me on this) and she was such a joy that when she was 9 months old we decided that we didn't want her to grow up an only child. We decided to have another child so she would have a sibling close in age to grow up with. March 28, 2002, my son, "The Prince of Zamunda" was born. Being their mother is one of thee greatest things i could've ever experienced. These two gave me the reason I needed to make sound decisions. I wasn't afraid of an ora

After suffering the greatest loss I could imagine, I realized that I HAD to get my life together. I had no other choice. I had become a functioning alcoholic and could stand looking through the kitchen window over the sink, drinking vodka, in silence, for hours while my kids were at school... I had become so depressed that my doctor put me on antidepressants that made me feel as if I was in "the sunken place" and at times I could literally feel what they call "brain zaps." Not good. So, after a few weeks I kicked the antidepressants and released myself from the pit I'd been in and I started on a journey of dissecting how I'd fallen so low from where I thought I once was. In my theory, I had sown adulterous seeds and was reaping the adulterous fruit I had earned: 1. My son was stillborn.  2. I was suffering from extreme depression.  3. I was having anxiety attacks.  4. When two people entry a relationship through the door of adulte

Newton's Third Law of Motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Karma refers  to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect).   Good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness, while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering. But, as a Christian, it was simple: You reap what you sow. i could've titled this volume "The Reaping" but I decided to instead name it after the most devastating "L" I took during the season of reaping the seeds I had sown during The Great Rebellion. When I was in my 20's sowing seeds of rebellion and craziness, I hung my hat on the fact that I was a good mom. I took good care of my two children so as long as I didn't make any decisions that would impede upon that, I was good. Not so.  As long as I sowed good seed, kept my hands cl

Welp... It was like a bad John Legend sing along. From "She Don't Have to Know" to "Everybody Knows". Only much to the chagrin of the church, I felt the latter about missing my Boyfriend #2. The church leaders wanted... or maybe needed me to go back to my husband and fix it. Make it work. Repent and fit in the box. There I was, stripped of my position in the church and with a First Lady that wouldn't speak my name or acknowledge my presence. So, I tried to humble myself an fit in the box. And I failed. Then, I moved out in August 2007. Tried a last ditch marriage retreat in February 2008. My divorce was finalized April 7, 2008. Found out I was pregnant in June 2008. Boyfriend #2's divorce finalized in January 2009. My divorce was clean cut and easy. Boyfriend # 2, not so much. It was drug out and he was drug through the mud. We did move in together eventually close to the winter of 2008 because it didn't make sense to have two pl

As more "incidents" occurred, I thought I was ready to rack up a few incidents of my own. I did, and felt SO guilty that I soon quit and returned faithfully to my unhappy marriage. A few years later, I decided I was fine and began to work on an escape plan. This time I was completely disconnected in every way AND though I was still working faithfully in the church, I had missed quite a few months of any service due to working in ministry. Church had become a 3rd job and there were no opportunities to refill my cup. At this same time I developed a closer relationship with a friend. We had known each other for a while but we had started becoming closer. I was picking him up from work in the evenings and we would talk. About surface things at first, then we realized we had a lot of things in common... like we weren't happy in our marriages. We compared stories.  He was broken, I was broken, and now looking back at it all, I feel that our brokenness is what originally

Unpacking, Volume 1: ? The romanticized title would be 💕 "How I Fell In Love With and Married My Male BFF"💕, which would be a true statement. The more thorough title would be "How I Started Dating My Male BFF While We Were Both Still Married to Other People and Eventually Married Each Other". Toward the end of 2017, my for-eva-eva husband, who is also a real life comedian, stood flat footed at his comedy recording and told jokes. Many jokes. Then he announced in one of them that I had been his side chick😯. Yes, I'd spoken to him about the importance of living in transparency being a HUGE part of our journey. Yes, I knew the joke was coming. But, the moment you feel the eyes of the "✌non judgmental brethren✌" upon you (because, did I forget to mention this show was at a church: OUR CHURCH!!!!!) one might begin to do a little soul searching in preparation of the oncoming questions. So let's start unpacking back at Marriage #1

Week #1: Unpacking!!!! I plan to unpack my baggage as I make this new blog space my home for the next 365 days. Happy New Year!!!!!!!! Feel free to leave comments on the blog, inbox on Facebook @PDashRae, or email Paula@P-Rae.com! Let me know what we should unpack first🤔