Unpacking, Volume 1: ?
Unpacking, Volume 1: ?
The romanticized title would be 💕 "How I Fell In Love With and Married My Male BFF"💕, which would be a true statement.
The more thorough title would be "How I Started Dating My Male BFF While We Were Both Still Married to Other People and Eventually Married Each Other".
Toward the end of 2017, my for-eva-eva husband, who is also a real life comedian, stood flat footed at his comedy recording and told jokes. Many jokes. Then he announced in one of them that I had been his side chick😯. Yes, I'd spoken to him about the importance of living in transparency being a HUGE part of our journey. Yes, I knew the joke was coming. But, the moment you feel the eyes of the "✌non judgmental brethren✌" upon you (because, did I forget to mention this show was at a church: OUR CHURCH!!!!!) one might begin to do a little soul searching in preparation of the oncoming questions.
So let's start unpacking back at Marriage #1:
-At 18, I had moved in with my boyfriend of 1.5-2 years while I had decided to take a break before looking into college.
-At 19, (Nov. 1999) I was pregnant and my boyfriend set me up on a shopping date with his mom and grandmother, during which they dropped the bomb on me that if I did not marry him, our child would be a bastard. Being "newly churched," and them being my primary connection to the church, I bought in. After all, he was the father of my unborn daughter and being a child of divorce myself, I wanted my daughter's family to be intact.
- (Feb. 2000, still 19) We were married. My parents paid for the cake, I think. His mother called On all the church favors she had for everything else. From that shopping trip till my wedding day was less than 3 months. On the morning of my wedding, I sat a mile away from the church with my friend debating on if I would really show up. Unfortunately, my parents were already there... and so was the cake🙈.
- I gave birth to my daughter 6 days before my 20th birthday. With me quickly becoming the BEST DECISION MAKER EVER (or not), we decided that with him being an only child and me being so far in age from my siblings, that we wanted our daughter to grow up with a sibling. When our daughter was 9 months old, I became pregnant with our son.
**A few things were going on at this point: I was pregnant with my second child, I was "SUPER SAVED" and working faithfully in the church. I didn't realize it then, but I thought I was better... I took pride in the fact that "I" was married and that though "I" was young, my babies were by the same man: My Husband.
-A week after giving birth to my son, I took him to the doctor for a check up. On our way home, I stopped at the gas station and was approached by 2 young women while I pumped my gas. They thought it was the correct time to inform me that one of them had been messing around with my husband. At which time, I had to make a decision: To beat them both, or not to beat them both? As I looked at my son through the window of the car sleeping so peacefully, the decision was made. I drove away in tears because I'd never been so angry. I walked away from a fight to assure the safety of my newborn son only to have his father look me in the face and tell the lie I knew he'd tell. That whole "My Husband" thing, not so great.
**At the time, I was mad but not heartbroken. Us being young wasn't lost on me and I wasn't "in love" but I felt disrespected as his wife.
Please note: P-Rae doesn't like being disrespected.
Please also note: This was not the last time I was disrespected.
The next post:
Unpacking, Volume 2: The Great Rebellion
Feel free to comment on the blog, on Facebook @PDashRae, or email Paula@P-Rae.com
So let's start unpacking back at Marriage #1:
-At 18, I had moved in with my boyfriend of 1.5-2 years while I had decided to take a break before looking into college.
-At 19, (Nov. 1999) I was pregnant and my boyfriend set me up on a shopping date with his mom and grandmother, during which they dropped the bomb on me that if I did not marry him, our child would be a bastard. Being "newly churched," and them being my primary connection to the church, I bought in. After all, he was the father of my unborn daughter and being a child of divorce myself, I wanted my daughter's family to be intact.
- (Feb. 2000, still 19) We were married. My parents paid for the cake, I think. His mother called On all the church favors she had for everything else. From that shopping trip till my wedding day was less than 3 months. On the morning of my wedding, I sat a mile away from the church with my friend debating on if I would really show up. Unfortunately, my parents were already there... and so was the cake🙈.
- I gave birth to my daughter 6 days before my 20th birthday. With me quickly becoming the BEST DECISION MAKER EVER (or not), we decided that with him being an only child and me being so far in age from my siblings, that we wanted our daughter to grow up with a sibling. When our daughter was 9 months old, I became pregnant with our son.
**A few things were going on at this point: I was pregnant with my second child, I was "SUPER SAVED" and working faithfully in the church. I didn't realize it then, but I thought I was better... I took pride in the fact that "I" was married and that though "I" was young, my babies were by the same man: My Husband.
-A week after giving birth to my son, I took him to the doctor for a check up. On our way home, I stopped at the gas station and was approached by 2 young women while I pumped my gas. They thought it was the correct time to inform me that one of them had been messing around with my husband. At which time, I had to make a decision: To beat them both, or not to beat them both? As I looked at my son through the window of the car sleeping so peacefully, the decision was made. I drove away in tears because I'd never been so angry. I walked away from a fight to assure the safety of my newborn son only to have his father look me in the face and tell the lie I knew he'd tell. That whole "My Husband" thing, not so great.
**At the time, I was mad but not heartbroken. Us being young wasn't lost on me and I wasn't "in love" but I felt disrespected as his wife.
Please note: P-Rae doesn't like being disrespected.
Please also note: This was not the last time I was disrespected.
The next post:
Unpacking, Volume 2: The Great Rebellion
Feel free to comment on the blog, on Facebook @PDashRae, or email Paula@P-Rae.com
