Raising Ava
As I sit on my back porch keeping an eye and an ear on my niece as she picks up garbage out of our yard that has float over from the hundreds of kids that live in our neighborhood, a task that she INSISTED on doing, I can't help but to laugh and be grateful for her and her energetic spirit.
I think back, it's almost like my sister started preparing us for her passing while she was pregnant with my niece. She asked me and my husband to be my niece's godparents. She often made me promise that if anything happened to her that I would raise her daughter as my own. Even when we'd argue and avoid talking to each other for a while, as I reckon some sisters do, she'd make sure that we had an understanding that our "adult mess" didn't void our verbal contract. If something happened to Ashley, Ava belonged to me.
I always agreed. I would try to avoid the conversations, blow her off in disbelief... but she'd make me promise. So, in our final 24 hours together, I found myself asking her if she was sure that I should raise Ava. She nodded, and smiled. She'd been prepared for this moment somehow. I was the one still processing...
Ava is so much like my sister was at her age that I often feel like I'm having déjà vu. I was 16 years old when Ashley was Ava's age. They are so similar that it's like raising my sister all over again. Ava has her mother's mouth and her bullheadedness but she also has her sweet, kind heart and huge personality.
Everything that was good in Ashley, she put into Ava... and everything she put into Ava, she entrusted to me. That has been heavy and difficult for me to wrap my head around. I've always fought with myself, trying to be sure that I'm not ruining my own children, not failing them. Now to have the responsibility to not ruin my sister's child? Sheesh.
We've spent the last 11 months adjusting. Ava has reminded me just how resilient children are. She has been flourishing! Ava has also reminded me how strong I am. Honestly, I felt like I was sinking for a bit but God knew the formula for keeping me afloat, and I'm truly grateful for the gift my sister has blessed me with.
Raising Ava has absolutely been saving me❤
(In a later blog, we will discuss the responsibilities and repercussions that come along with the decision to raise someone else's child. This journey is one I was unprepared for and absolutely not for the faint of heart.)
