Question: Why did I cheat on my ex?
I'mmmmm BACKKKKKKK!!!!
Yeah, I know it's been a while. To kick things off, For the next month I'll be answering the questions I've had emailed to me from people who have read my blog and I've picked this one to start with: "I met you when you were already married to your current husband and knowing you, I couldn't even imagine you ever cheating on him. Why did you cheat on your ex?"
Interesting...
I had to let this roll around in my mind for a bit. The answer I would've given when I was actively cheating is so far from the true answer that I have now. Back then, my answer would've definitely included a lot about him, what he was doing, and how I was fed up. Though those statements played their part in the decisions I made, but they were ultimately MY decisions. So let's start here:
Nope. I had to grow and decide to own my stuff. I cheated because it was a choice I made. I could've made the choice to divorce my ex before I got into another relationship. I didn't. I was using his issues as an excuse to be out in these streets acting fast. Plain and simple.
So, after owning the fact that MY cheating has nothing to do with my ex, I started to evaluate the WHY, as in why was it okay? Where was my moral compass? What standard was I holding myself to?
What standard was I holding myself to: Easy. NONE. I was emotionally driven. There had been infidelity in my marriage, not by me, and I used that as an excuse to be young, wild, and free. I had insecurities and anything that made me feel good about me, even if only for a moment, I freely indulged in. The part I hate most about the fact that I cheated on my ex is that I used his infidelity as an excuse. He did it so it was only right that I return the favor, right? WRONG. Two wrongs don't make a right. I know that sounds cliche but it's the truth.
Where was my moral compass: My initial answer would be that I had one but it was weak. There was definitely a still, small voice that I clearly heard correcting me but... I didn't care. I was going to church every Sunday, every Wednesday, and at every event the church held, working diligently. Showing up smiling, living my life as the wife of a minister AND also living the life of a single woman on the nights i could get away to do so. I didn't care if I got caught. I was done with my marriage, mentally. I was publicly out in these streets, carefree.
Now, the answer that I found most interesting, Why was it okay: I had to peel back layers with this. It was okay because he started it. It was okay because I was grown and could do whatever I wanted to do. It was okay because the people I was with didn't hold me accountable. It was okay because I had lost respect for my husband and my marriage. It was okay because it met a need for attention and affection that I had. It was okay because I had seen things in my childhood that led me to feel that this behavior was acceptable. I have memories of different incidents that I witnessed as a child that helped me ignore what I knew was right.
So I did what was fun with no consideration that a divorce would affect my kids. Without realizing that I would later have to sit at a table, over pancakes, and explain to my children what I had done because people are cruel and don't care if they hurt innocent children. Luckily, by then I had already reached the point of owning my own stuff and living my truth, fearlessly, and I can't think of a way that would've been better for me to outwardly start living that "Mask Off" life than with two of the people who love me the most, no matter what I looked like underneath.
Transparency+Vulnerability= Mask Off
So, you could't imagine me cheating on my current husband because I wouldn't. Period.
I hope this answers this question, thoroughly. If not, feel free to leave something in the comments or email me directly at Paula@P-Rae.com
I'm SUPER excited to be back! I apologize for any misspellings. I'm back but I have ZERO time for proofreading. See yall later this week with the answer to another email question!
Yeah, I know it's been a while. To kick things off, For the next month I'll be answering the questions I've had emailed to me from people who have read my blog and I've picked this one to start with: "I met you when you were already married to your current husband and knowing you, I couldn't even imagine you ever cheating on him. Why did you cheat on your ex?"
Interesting...
I had to let this roll around in my mind for a bit. The answer I would've given when I was actively cheating is so far from the true answer that I have now. Back then, my answer would've definitely included a lot about him, what he was doing, and how I was fed up. Though those statements played their part in the decisions I made, but they were ultimately MY decisions. So let's start here:
Nope. I had to grow and decide to own my stuff. I cheated because it was a choice I made. I could've made the choice to divorce my ex before I got into another relationship. I didn't. I was using his issues as an excuse to be out in these streets acting fast. Plain and simple.
So, after owning the fact that MY cheating has nothing to do with my ex, I started to evaluate the WHY, as in why was it okay? Where was my moral compass? What standard was I holding myself to?
What standard was I holding myself to: Easy. NONE. I was emotionally driven. There had been infidelity in my marriage, not by me, and I used that as an excuse to be young, wild, and free. I had insecurities and anything that made me feel good about me, even if only for a moment, I freely indulged in. The part I hate most about the fact that I cheated on my ex is that I used his infidelity as an excuse. He did it so it was only right that I return the favor, right? WRONG. Two wrongs don't make a right. I know that sounds cliche but it's the truth.
Where was my moral compass: My initial answer would be that I had one but it was weak. There was definitely a still, small voice that I clearly heard correcting me but... I didn't care. I was going to church every Sunday, every Wednesday, and at every event the church held, working diligently. Showing up smiling, living my life as the wife of a minister AND also living the life of a single woman on the nights i could get away to do so. I didn't care if I got caught. I was done with my marriage, mentally. I was publicly out in these streets, carefree.
Now, the answer that I found most interesting, Why was it okay: I had to peel back layers with this. It was okay because he started it. It was okay because I was grown and could do whatever I wanted to do. It was okay because the people I was with didn't hold me accountable. It was okay because I had lost respect for my husband and my marriage. It was okay because it met a need for attention and affection that I had. It was okay because I had seen things in my childhood that led me to feel that this behavior was acceptable. I have memories of different incidents that I witnessed as a child that helped me ignore what I knew was right.
So I did what was fun with no consideration that a divorce would affect my kids. Without realizing that I would later have to sit at a table, over pancakes, and explain to my children what I had done because people are cruel and don't care if they hurt innocent children. Luckily, by then I had already reached the point of owning my own stuff and living my truth, fearlessly, and I can't think of a way that would've been better for me to outwardly start living that "Mask Off" life than with two of the people who love me the most, no matter what I looked like underneath.
Transparency+Vulnerability= Mask Off
So, you could't imagine me cheating on my current husband because I wouldn't. Period.
At almost 39 years old, I'm proud to say I've grown FARRRRRRRRRR beyond the insecure, crazy person I was in my 20's. I would never want to hurt my husband. I know that hurt and couldn't imagine ever inflicting that kind of pain on him. I LOOOOOOOOVE MY HUSBAND. No matter what he does, I'd never cheat on him... unless it's with M'baku... and that wouldn't really be cheating because my husband has already signed my permission slip.
I'm SUPER excited to be back! I apologize for any misspellings. I'm back but I have ZERO time for proofreading. See yall later this week with the answer to another email question!
